| So there's that whole thing called like the 5 love languages... gift-giving, qualitytime, physical touch, encouraging words, and acts of service. Someone close to me told me that he thought mine was encouraging words and while that is true I dont know if it is entirely. I have come to the realization that physical touch is something I totally crave. I think that contributes alot to my delinquencies. but that wasnt my original point. The thing is that my father will give me a hug and I feel something. Darby will just play around with me and call me pixie and it means something. Winston...it's funny with him. I think out of all the male influence in my life his opinions mean the most to me. and we talk alot but we dont hug or anything. But lately (and maybe im just on crack) he's been goofing around more. like patting my head, or laying his hand on my shoulder just for a second...and today we were in the kitchen and he kinda half tickled me when he called me a crackhead. And it made me feel something...I want to say joy but that wasnt it. It was just like a spark of something that made me want to smile. I dont know how to describe it.
Not to leave out Lisa, or Miranda...or even my mother (although i dont recall enjoying being touched by her for years but I am sure there was a time) but it's different when it is a guy...especially one I respect. those pats on the head or whatnot make me feel more...(wanted? part of something? Im not sure)...than "being" with a guy ever has...I dont know. I've thought about it recently...especially yesterday when I saw all three of them in one day...I dont know. As much as I like it or whatever it makes me nervous. I dont know. Im not sure what I am say...I think winston's right...Im totally on crack. |
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| dude! life fest is less than 2wks away!! wahoo!! |
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| yay i have a myspace now! |
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| i have a D and C scheduled for the 31st
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| i guess...maybe...there's like the tiniest teeniest possibility that the baby is alive..... |
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